Decmeber 4, 2015 (Day- 395 ) – Thought’s


-FaceBook Post

I am sorry but, I being going though a lot past few weeks. I have few thing that, I need to vent and this seems hard to talk about cus, I mostly shove everything back so, I dont really deal with it. Like, the pain I feel is me always talking about but, the reason issues is the broken bone. (I know y’all understand that)

Anyway, I had a dream that woke me up and it could have been last night or few nights ago. It woke me up but, I went back to sleep and forgot about until, earlier tonight.

The dream was like, only like, 10 – 15 sec. Its still brings fear and pain back to me like, i really felt it or went though it. I was walking to shopper’s close by me and that like 2 miles away but anyway. I was walking across the street (By myself) and when, I was like half way across. I saw a big red truck. (Could been a fire truck but, I dont know) I felt my self in slow-mo and The truck seems to keep getting closer and it was also most on me and I some how, rolled on my back to get out of the truck way and it almost ran me over. I felt the same fear as, when I got hit and looked up at the SUV that, was only 3 feet away from me but, the truck was way closer and it felt huge and I felt like bug size as looking at the truck. No one was there and than, I woke up after it.

Thats it for the dream.

I went out to the fitness room here at my apartments and after this whole things with my leg. I am way more ashamed of my self and looks. I saw how i look in the mirror. I just like, EWWWW. I know, i shouldn’t be like that but, it very hard not too.

working out

I have been lazy on my work outs cus, I having hard time doing these work out alone. I know, I need to still do it but, I can’t do things like this with out a push or help doing it. I feel more ashamed that, i am like this.
Feeling like, I am like 40 or 50 lbs bigger then, i was and I want to be like, 170 but, I am like 230 cus, I can’t do things like, I want too without pain. Sight.


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