May 10th, 2015 – Day 187

On the 10th of May-

-1:55Pm) I am at huntvalley mall. I went into with the family to see if I can get a ankle weight so, I can get stronger. Any way, when we were leaving dick’s sports goods. I had to go down a moving stairs (sorry for my not knowing words), I was terrified cus, I am so not so ready to step on it when it goes super fast. I thinking that, I would be tripping from the stairs and fall all the way down. Sighs. I hate being like this.

-5:24Pm) home and about to take a bath. I have so much on my mind that’s it’s stressing me out. I hate how I look. I gotten so fat that I am so shamed of my self. I crave for the way I was and I’m size 40. My brother is smaller then me. I hate this so much. When I look in the mirror and I always think. How the hell can my wife like me? I’m so ugly and i get turned off by it. I can’t even really look at my self. I know it me over eating but I am also craving food for so many reasons and I understand why but, I am still ugly. Sighs.

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